Divorced Women Find Your Voice

in Voice

How many of you have the question floating around at the edges of your mind: "Will I ever get a second chance?" Is there a tagline to that which reads: "Do I really deserve to have one?" After all, I messed up - I'm old, overweight, I have kids and baggage, who is going to want me with my tribe? What are my chances? My time is running out!

The news is ladies: You are back and better than ever!! Not only in spite of your baggage but because of it! You now have a life story, wisdom, and more sexuality than any 20 year old girl could even comprehend! The tapestry of your baggage is more interesting, richer, and provides knowledge and creativity that you never had a 20. You simply may not be in touch with your personal power. What you have been in touch with is your gremlin or inner critic. He or she has gotten a hold of you and of your vocal cords.

You are not alone here. Everybody has a self-sabotaging voice that evolves as a result of our reactions to the words, attitudes, and behavior of parents, grandparents, teachers from our childhood. Some are louder and more persistent than others. Some individuals are more adept at taming their gremlin than others. We are complicated beings made up of many parts, facets, and personalities. The good news is that we all have control over our gremlins. He's really a wuss when you learn to confront him.

Here's the way this creature operates. Your gremlin disguises him, her or themselves and masquerades as your friend with your best interest at heart. He is very crafty in bringing you down and keeping you in your "safe" box which is really more like a coffin. Since the gremlin is mostly telling you not to take chances it is easy to confuse this as your inner voice. Newsflash - he/she is NOT your inner voice. The gremlin warnings are often accompanied by a good deal of fear, whereas your inner voice or intuition is not ridden with this emotion.

Nothing stirs up the gremlin more than stepping out of your comfort zone, out of the box, taking a risk, making a change, committing to a courageous act. The gremlin likes to keep things the same; flat, dead, and unexciting. Therefore, moving toward positive purposeful transformation makes him or her absolutely nuts!

Notice your gremlin when he or she speaks or whispers in your ear, "you're not good enough, pretty, skinny, smart, young enough - you are just NOT ENOUGH!!!" Pay attention to when your gremlin shows up and what form he/she takes. Where do you feel this monster in your body? Is it in the pit of your stomach? Your chest, head, neck, or generalized all around you? Write this down - describe the looks, feeling, smell, voice, and emotion associated with the creature's appearance. Draw a picture if you like!

We all are the sum of our parts. It's important to notice our parts, stand apart from them, and realize we are not them; we are not one part. On the contrary, we are far greater than the sum of "parts." When you separate yourself as the observer, the gremlin becomes something comical, pathetic, we almost feel sorry for this inner critic, and as a result he loses his power. Welcome and make friends with your saboteur as a part of you because he/she is here to stay! You just need to learn how to deal. Here are some ways to outsmart this crafty saboteur:

1. Journal what he looks, feels and sounds like.
2. Give him a name.
3. Write down each time he appears during the day and what he says.
4. Call his bluff - tell him you already know what he will say (same old-same old).
5. Notice how you are the observer and not your gremlin.
6. Now step forward as YOU and not your gremlin and speak from that voice.
7. Notice the possibilities that open up for you.

Now take a step forward - you do not have to see the whole staircase, just the first step. Notice how you find your true inner voice when you separate you neutralize your gremlin's. Now speak - what is it that your really want!

I invite you to use the sheet on this page to analyze and neutralize your self sabotaging voice: Write each statement your gremlin makes as you notice it and then write the truth. SHAKE UP YOUR GREMLIN - REALLY DO IT!!



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Cyndi Stein-Rubin has 1 articles online

I welcome your reactions. Please email your stories, observations, wins, and challenges - We are all in this together!

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Divorced Women Find Your Voice

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This article was published on 2010/03/30